1General guidance
Where will my special needs child live after me?
The short answer
Most families choose between four broad paths: staying in the family home with paid support, living with a sibling or relative, a supported or semi-independent community, or a residential home run under a government scheme, by an NGO or by a private provider. The right one depends on the support your child needs day and night, who in the family can realistically take it on, what it will cost for decades, and how long the waiting lists are. Plan two answers — where your child lives now, and where they will live after you — visit places early, and keep a backup, because the first choice is not always available when it is needed.
The question most families postpone
It is the hardest item on the list, so it tends to move to the bottom of it. But a decision deferred indefinitely is still a decision, and the version made under pressure — after a bereavement, in a hospital corridor — is rarely the one anyone would have chosen with time. Choosing a residential home is not giving up, and keeping your child at home is not denial; what matters is that the choice is made while you are here to make it.
Eleven living arrangements families consider
The arrangements available range from staying in the current home with support, through campus and community living, to full-time residential care elsewhere.
Family home and family-led care
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Your own home, family caring
Your child stays with you, supported by day programmes and therapy from outside.
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Your own home, with hired support
Your child stays with you, and trained caregivers come in to carry the heavy part.
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A sibling's or relative's home
Care passes to a brother, sister or relative who has agreed to take it on.
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Staying on in the family home, with paid support
Your child keeps the home they know; staff and a trustee come in around them after you are gone.
Campus and community living
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Family living on a private supported campus
You and your child both move into a purpose-built community run as a business, with professional support on site.
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Family living on a philanthropic campus
The same arrangement, run by a charitable or monastic mission, usually part-subsidised.
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A campus built by parents together
Families with special-needs children pool land, money and effort and build the community themselves.
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Semi-independent / community living
Supported housing with life-skills coaching and vocational work, and real autonomy day to day.
Residential care elsewhere
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Government-funded group home
A lifelong group home under a government scheme; eligibility and places vary by area.
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NGO or philanthropic residential home
A charitable or religious organisation's home, usually part-subsidised.
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Private residential facility
Paid residential care, with more choice of location and amenities and shorter waits.
How to choose
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Describe your child's support needs honestly
Daytime and overnight, personal care, medical needs, behaviour, mobility and how much independence they have or could build.
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List who could realistically help — and ask them
A willing sibling in another city, an ageing grandparent and a hired carer are very different plans. Ask directly, and accept a no.
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Estimate what each option costs, for life
Monthly fees, deposits, carers' salaries, and who pays when you no longer can. See financial planning.
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Visit, and visit again
Look at staff numbers and turnover, how distress and behaviour are handled, access to doctors, how families stay involved, and what happens if your child's needs increase.
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Move gradually, while you are still there
Short stays and respite let your child get used to a place and its people with you in the background, instead of all at once after a crisis.
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Secure it legally and financially
Who holds authority, who pays, and who checks the arrangement is still working. See legal planning.
Every plan carries a backup — and an emergency plan
The first choice is not always the one that is available. Name a second arrangement, and keep an emergency plan for the days in between.
What travels with your child
A place is only half of it. What makes a move survivable for your child is everything a new carer would otherwise have to learn by trial and error:
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Daily routine
Bedtime rituals, sleep aids, the hours that actually work.
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Food & diet
Favourite foods, foods to avoid, texture preferences.
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Comfort items
The toys, blanket, music and objects that bring calm.
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Communication
How your child expresses need, distress and consent.
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Accessibility
What a building has to accommodate before it is even a candidate.
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Emergency
Who to call, and what they will need to be told immediately.
If you live in India
- Gharaunda is the National Trust's group-home scheme: it aims to provide an assured home and minimum quality of care for life to adults (over 18) with autism, cerebral palsy, intellectual disability or multiple disabilities, through the Trust's registered organisations.
- Samarth provides respite care for people with those disabilities who are orphaned or abandoned, from families in crisis, or from low-income households — and gives families time to attend to other responsibilities.
- Centres under both schemes are few and places are limited. Ask the National Trust's registered organisations near you about availability years before you need a place.
Source: The National Trust — Gharaunda and Samarth scheme pages. Check current eligibility with the Trust.
Questions parents ask
Where does an adult with special needs live after the parents die?
Usually in one of four broad settings: the family home with paid support, a sibling's or relative's home, a supported or semi-independent community, or a residential home run under a government scheme, by an NGO or by a private provider. Which works depends on the support needed day and night, who in the family can realistically take it on, the cost over decades and the waiting lists.
Can my child keep living in our house after we are gone?
Often yes, if three things are arranged in advance: paid carers to provide daily support, money to pay them for life, and a trustee or guardian with the authority to manage the house, the carers and the money. Without all three, the arrangement tends to collapse when the first carer leaves.
What is Gharaunda?
Gharaunda is the National Trust's group-home scheme in India, which aims to provide an assured home and minimum quality of care for life to adults (over 18) with autism, cerebral palsy, intellectual disability or multiple disabilities, run through the Trust's registered organisations. Places are limited, so ask about availability early.
When should we start planning where our child will live?
Years before it is needed. Good places have waiting lists, visits take time, and a gradual move while parents are still there — through short stays or respite — is far easier on a child than a sudden one after a crisis.
2Free tool, no login
How LegacyNest helps — without an account
LegacyNest does not choose a home for your child. Living Arrangements gives you a structured way to compare the eleven arrangements above against your child's needs, shortlist them, and evaluate a specific home — free, with no sign-in and nothing saved to LegacyNest.
Useful to have to hand
- What support your child needs during the day and overnight
- Who else is nearby, and what backup exists
- Anything you already know about cost and travel
You do not need all of it to start. A blank stays visibly blank rather than becoming a fact nobody checked.
What this tool does not do
- It never ranks one arrangement as the answer, and it does not check availability
- It implies no licensing, inspection or certification of any place
- What you have not worked out yet stays unknown, rather than counting against an option
What happens to what you type
Your answers stay in the browser tab you are using. They are not sent to LegacyNest, not saved to an account and not kept on this device — refreshing the page or closing the tab can clear them, so download what you want to keep. A file you download is yours, and only the people you send it to can see it. See our privacy policy for how information is handled.
How it works
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Answer what you know
Fifteen questions in four short chapters — daily life, people and backup, place and access, money and coordination. Skip any, or answer “not sure”.
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See every arrangement, with its reasons
For each of the eleven: what fits, what conflicts, and what is still unknown. No score and no single winner, so you can disagree with a specific reason rather than a verdict.
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Shortlist and compare
Keep the arrangements worth exploring and look at them side by side.
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Judge any home yourself
An 18-point evaluation across six areas — daily support, access and environment, communication and safeguarding, staffing and continuity, money and agreements, transition and backup — for a relative's house, a local home, anywhere you are considering.
You choose the place
LegacyNest helps you evaluate options against your needs — nothing here is a verdict.
- No option is judged. Choosing a residential home is not giving up. Keeping your child at home is not denial.
- Unknown is not no. A question you skip stays open instead of counting against an option.
- A starting point. You can see every option and overrule any suggestion at any time.
Begin before it is urgent
The point of doing this early is that you get to change your mind, visit places, and revise the plan as your child grows. None of that is available in a crisis. Download what you make here to keep it.
3With a free account
How LegacyNest helps — with a free account
A free LegacyNest account is a separate product with its own storage and sharing. The free tool above needs none of it, and nothing typed into it is carried into an account.
The account keeps the homes you are considering as part of your plan, kept current and shared:
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Every home on record
Location, monthly cost, waitlist status and expected wait for each place you consider.
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A first choice and a backup
An order across the homes, so the second arrangement is decided, not improvised.
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Who is responsible there
The caregiver for each home, whether they have agreed, and whether they have access.
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Property and letter of intent
The legal status and plan for the property, and your letter of intent, kept with the plan.
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Shared with your care circle
Family, caregivers and coordinators — only those you nominate.